Na jane kab se
umeedein kuch baki hai |
Dil mein mere
ek tadap si jaari hai ||
Woh pal abhi aya nahi
jab dil-e-tammana ho jaye puri |
Aisa andhera abhi chaya nahi
jisme aas ki kirne dubi ||
Hosla ab bhi hai buland
khushi ho ya gum |
Jo bhi ho anjam
haar na manenge hum ||
Nadaan hoon mein
kya janu, kismat ka ye khel |
Ab waqt hi bataye yeh sahas hai
ya bewakoofi ka hai mel ||
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13 comments:
yaar, i still don't believe tht u wrote it. I used to write poems but really to be very frank none of thm was as good. and certainly not even half as 'optimistic'.
waise.. teri hindi itni achi hai... mujhe idea nahin tha
Give me a day or 2 and i will reply to this with a few lines of my own.
Till then.. wait and don't ever stop writing.
You are good and more importantly an optimist.
Great Job... Cheers!!!!!!
Amod nice attempt if you wrote this just off the cuff. The poem, to me, conveys the message that though you are a bit lost on your road to achieving your dreams/ambition you still haven't lost your hope. I liked the last paragraph a lot as it also conveys your mixed feelings about your hopes. Taking on your previous post, you still have your faith, but by the last paragraph you also ask your self whether your faith is right. I don't know whether you meant it that way. Whether you meant to question your faith with the line..nadaan hoon mein kya janu,...? I hope you did because it shows that you are ready to question your faith. It may sound wrong to many others and they often disagree and argue that you shouldn't question your faiths. But I would like to say that you should always, time & again question your faith. It is what keeps your faith from becoming blind faith.
Ok this part is just because you asked me to do it, and not for others but for yourself.
Also about the poem, as such, as I said its good if you wrote it off the cuff but would like to see something a bit longer where you let your ideas develop a bit further. You jumped from your anticipation, to your hopes, to your doubts in a few lines. Go a bit deeper & explore each idea a bit more. Also the hallmark of good poems is a good meter throughout the poem. Your second paragraph is longer than your 1st or 3rd, try to avoid that. This is the most difficult part because often your ideas are very vague when you start writing the poem and change while you are writing it. So I suggest you write the poem a few times before you finalize it. Write it again & again till you are satisfied that it contains all what you want to say, in precisely the manner you want to say it.
sorry for the long harangue, but you did request it
hey..that's a nice one..is it begining of something...
I read it...and you know my hindi..i understood most of it..more than saying anything about the post wht i wanna say is continue writing...it might seem tedious while doing so but nothing can compare to the power of words while expressing yourself..reading what you have written much later from now will remind you exactly of the emotions that you felt when you wrote that piece..so do continue writing be it english hindi or marthi but you know preferably english :P
Hey amod,
Amazing poetry..i never knw about this hidden talent of urs...
Nice thoughts...:)
Keep up the good work..!!!
All these years never knew you were a poet at heart....
Nice one!!!
Poetry?
It is good to read something but its actually difficult to analyse what's the thot behind it. On the face of it,"It rhymes!".
Thats it.
I think the words umeed, tammana and aas mean different things at different places. So i better not challenge your work.
But I can find an obvious contradiction between first 6 lines and 7th and 8th line.Here you are sounding as if you want "andhera"- which is a negative word -overshadow your desire. Why? and then you continue in line 9 and 10 on a positive thot.
Personally I know you have many desires and wants in life. At times you can fulfill them but at times circumstances do not let you. Hope you can fulfull your dreams at right times!
@ Sarvesh : Ur comment compels me to reply. Well after reading ur comment on this post I certainly think that one of the following two or both is possible :
1. Dat u have not understood the poem at all
2.After going to Chennai and hearing Tamil, ur Hindi has drastically weakened
And both thes things are equally possible.
But seriously read the 6th and 7th line again. I dont 'want' the darkness but I am sayin that such darkness is not ther which will darken my hopes.....
Hopefully u will take the pains to read it again and a bit more carefully this time
Tum toh shayar ban gaye:D
well firstly prathamesh hasn't left for me (or for that matter anyone) to say anything !!..... so indeed prathamesh, it is a long harangue (longer than the poem actually) and since when did you start going to a shrink coz ur talking EXACTLY like one?? [good work there ;)
Yes Amod, kya baat hai...ekdum shudh hindi main.... never knew this side of urs!!.... par abhi yeh kavita kyu, UR PLACED NOW !!! (hehehe).... NEWAYS, nice work man...especially with the rhyme scheme coz thats tough as rhyming words are difficult to find !!
@ Prathamesh : Replying a bit late to ur comment but I does take some time to read and digest a comment of this length :P
Thanks a lto for the detailed analysis and tips about writing poetry.
About the last para, it is certainly expressing my mixed feeling about whether my dreams will be fulfilled but I did not intend to question my fsith in the way u have suggested.
But I certainly agree with you that one should question his once a while to keep it from becoming blind faith and also to get rif of any mind made illusions
(My reply has become as lengthy as ur comment)
@ Everyone : Even I didnt know this side of me ..... :)
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